"It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are. If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong." Richard P. Feynman

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Deciphering doublespeak of new paradigm!

In our new Orwellian world the political Doublespeak language needs a dictionary and Gavin Atkins in the Australian has brilliantly given us one enabling the great unwashed to understand what our political masters are saying!

Now we have a new paradigm, and the language has become much more sophisticated than plain old hyperbole. To help you out, I am proud to present the New Paradigm Dictionary:
New Paradigm: Gillard breaking all her promises.
Old Paradigm: Tony Abbott keeping his promises. See also, wrecker, spawn of Satan.
Polity: A word of unknown meaning, but it is generally agreed we deserve a better one.
A kinder, gentler polity: Being nice to the Independents.
Consensus approach: Agreeing with the Greens.
Divisiveness: Agreeing with Abbott.
Mandate: A moral imperative to represent the views of 12 per cent of voters.
Wrecking: A morally indefensible stance of representing the views of half of all voters.
Playing hardball: Representing the views of Coalition voters. See also treachery/sabotage.
Freeing up funding: When Labor offers to fund hospitals in exchange for independent support.
Constitutional solutions: Offering independent MPs high-
paying jobs in exchange for their support.
Bribes: When the Coalition offers to fund hospitals or offer high-paying jobs to independent MPs in exchange for independent support.
Providing stability: Supporting the least popular party so there will not be another election.
Change politics: The mandate for change in Australian politics, as signified by the 3.9 per cent swing to the Greens.
Protest vote: A 3.4 per cent swing to the National Party, signifying nothing.
Providing certainty: Breaking your promises and supporting the Greens. See also, decency; national interest; civility; working together; showing leadership; quietly getting on with the job;
vision; engaging openly in debate; going through the process.
Creating uncertainty: Saying no to Greens policies.
Consultation process: Getting the opinion of Bob Brown, Rob Oakeshott and Tony Windsor.
Inquiry: Something to call for, following the consultation process, to try and dissuade people from burning Gillard's effigy.
Accepting the parliament Australia voted for: Supporting the Greens.
Independent committee: Handpicked group of people who either support the Greens or are the Greens.
Carbon tax: Something that would never happen under a government led by Gillard four months ago.
Debating it at the ALP conference: A way for Gillard to introduce Greens policies. See, carbon tax, gay marriage.
Achieving community consensus: Not doing anything that
could get you in trouble right
A man with a slogan: What Gillard calls Abbott.
Moving Forward: Gillard's slogan.
Sustainable populations: Any population that re-elects you.
Marriage: The special status of holy matrimony between men and women.
ALP conference: The special period of time when, for participants, all bets are off about the status of marriage.
Transitioning: Something that might change one day, you never know.
Let me be very clear about: I want to sound like I am doing something about . . .
Being in dialogue with East Timor: Being told to bugger off by East Timor.
Last-minute tweaking: Realising you forgot Warren Snowdon.
Loyalty: Giving someone you despise a ministerial position because they have the power to bring down the government. Thus, "You have to admire Julia for her loyalty to Kevin."
Xenophobic demonising: Honouring election promises about asylum-seekers.
Allowing issues to be worked through: Secret meetings to decide how to break poll promises.
New era of government transparency: Full disclosure that these meetings will be held in secret.

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